Things You Should Know About Me

To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for trying to repeatedly contact me.

I appreciate your earnest desire to let me know about my missing cash and those fantastic offers for your cheap drugs. I fear you have confused me with someone else though. I am presently not in the position to offer you a job and feel as though your help to ensure I please women is probably a little misdirected. Lastly, I have to admit I do not possess a thorough enough understanding of either Chinese or Arabic to really grasp the contents of your messages.

I wanted you to know that none of your email actually makes it into my inbox, so you may wish to remove me from your mailing list.

Sincerely,

Dennis